The Hidden Pain of Father's Day

The Hidden Pain of Father's Day

(4 Comments) - Add Comment

This Sunday, families across the country will be coming together to celebrate Father’s Day. Parks, beaches and town centres will be full of happy, smiling faces, as people spend quality time with their loved ones. Sadly, this will not be the case for everyone.

It would be easy to forget that for many people, Father’s Day is one of the most painful times of the year. However, for the thousands of fathers up and down the country who are prevented from seeing their children following separation or divorce, often for no valid reason, Sunday will only be a reminder that their children are growing up without them. Some might reflect on happier times, before the crushing realisation that they may never be able to be one of those ‘happy faces’ in the crowd again. For many, it will not just be Father’s Day they miss out on; fathers in this position, and their children, are denied the cherished experiences and memories that many of us take for granted. Whether it be learning to ride a bike, days out, or simply a story and a kiss goodnight, these crucial relationships are being destroyed up and down the country, with little legal recourse for those affected.

We all know that in life, there is not always a ‘happy ever after’. Couples can and do split up and separation is often preferable to a family home full of anger, bitterness and arguments. Although separation inevitably brings with it a certain level of acrimony between parents, the interests of the children must always come first. Children have a fundamental right to maintain a meaningful relationship with both parents following separation or divorce, and it is our responsibility as parents to ensure that this happens. Sadly, this does not always occur; in fact 28% of children whose parents separated at least three years ago never have contact with the parent they do not reside with (Source: Office for National Statistics)*.

This is why Families Need Fathers campaigns for shared parenting arrangements following family breakdown, allowing both parents to remain fully involved in all aspects of their children’s lives, and in turn allowing children to benefit from the full involvement of both parents. Children cannot and should not be used as a means of punishing an ex-partner through preventing them from seeing the children. Such actions destroy the lives of parents and children in equal measure, and the damage done to the parent-child relationship in this way can last a lifetime.

Both parents are equally important in ensuring the happiness and wellbeing of their children, whether or not they are living together. Unfortunately, the family justice system does not always recognise this. Too often, the courts will only provide for limited contact between a child and a parent not living with their child. Court orders allowing for contact are flagrantly breached by parents determined not to allow the other parent to be involved in their children’s lives on a regular basis. In the majority of these cases, the courts will take no action. This situation must change.

You will almost certainly know of someone who is currently going through this dreadful situation. So spare a thought for them this Father’s Day, whilst the majority of us celebrate one of the key figures in life that make us the people we are today; Dad.
If you or someone you know is in this position, remember that you are not alone. Contact the Families Need Fathers helpline on 0300 0300 363 Monday to Friday between 6pm and 10pm for support and advice, or find the details for your nearest local meeting on http://www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings. Both parents matter; we owe it to our children to ensure that both parents remain fully involved in their lives, regardless of what happens between us parents.


*Blackwell, A. and Dawe, F. (2003) Non-residential Parental Contact Final Report, Social and Vital Statistics Division, London: Office for National Statistics